I was thinking about what happened and feeling so much turmoil when the words: clean energy captured my attention. I even said it out loud to myself, “Clean Energy”. It was in that very moment that I wondered, “How clean is my energy?” There was this publication, North American CleanEnergy setting on the coffee table and it had nothing to do with how I was feeling, but the words on the publication diverted my focus to the thought, that somehow, I have disturbed someone and toxic energy could be the culprit.
I wrestled with my soul in trying to identify where I must have gone wrong in this encounter. I went over in my mind what was said and how it was said. “What did I want to know and how did I ask that set this person off – again!? When I realized how I asked the question, I figured the way I asked could be what struck a chord with the other person and perhaps sent them to a toxic place. With clean energy in the headlines before our eyes every day as it applies to our environments, it occurred to me today; what about personal energy environments?
With the notion that I strive to come from a place of love, I thought, “I wonder how many people don’t perceive me that way? Do they think I am challenging them personally when I try to understand something for myself? Do my actions offend them?” Perhaps my energy is toxic! I set out to explore that for myself. With the understanding that not everyone is going to like me.
With the notion that my energy is toxic, I would conclude that my impact on others would be pretty messy. Emotions tell all. Figuring out what to do in a situation is not always easy if you are not trained to know what to do.
On the contrary, “What is clean energy?” To me, clean energy is when someone is authentic and genuine. Their energy comes from love. They strive to experience life the way they are wired and be true to who they are. They try to live their lives out on Earth as if they are in Heaven.
What happens when clean energy is misconstrued? I believe that when we are not received in the way that we intend to be received, discord prevails. What do you do when you feel discord? How do you overcome?
In the renewable energy space, clean energy is revealed as: sunlight, rain, tides, wind, waves, and heat. Using these words as examples, here are my antonyms:
Sunlight – Dark
Rain – Dry
Tides – Stagnate
Wind – Still
Waves – No wind
Heat – Cold
The opposite of clean energy (my definition) is a place that still has energy but if you stay there long enough, you may crave clean energy.
I like to think that I am clean energy in the way that I have defined it. Ontologically speaking, it is the way in which I hope to conduct myself wherever I go. I ask myself, “How is my being?” I ask that often to check in with myself so that I can get clear on where I may be off. When I am feeling toxic, I like to get understanding around why I am feeling that way. The results are satisfying in that I usually find out that I have not dealt with something in my heart.
When you are faced with a situation that feels uneasy. Consider what may be going on for the other person. Do they have something going on that they need help with? Do you perhaps need to consider how you may be coming across? Examine your heart. Are you truly engaging in conversation to create conflict for the sake of it or are you being you and offending someone? If you are coming from toxic energy then recognize that and go talk to that person. Apologize! But if you are not coming from toxic energy then perhaps that person needs to come to you. My tendency in these situations is to ask the person I feel conflict with what is bothering them. In this case, with the history I have with them and the witnessing I’ve seen with many others, I don’t feel like I would be well-received. I believe it is best to remain true to who I am and allow them to discover what it is that ails them. It is also best for me to acknowledge that I need to remove myself from the situation.
Feeling that your energy may not be clean and is affecting others can drive someone like me absolutely nuts. I’ve moved with caution for years always putting my best foot forward to be me. I like to think of myself as someone always intrigued with anyone I see. A seed that started that was from observing my dad as a young girl. I always noticed how he greeted people in our community. He always had a smile and energy that engaged people and in hopes of brightening their day. I can honestly say, that is my image that I go forth with. I was also inspired by a woman at a retreat I was at just after my parent’s divorce when I was in the 6th grade. She asked me where my smile was as she smiled at me. I noticed I smiled back to her. She then said with such a delightful smile at me, “Smiling is contagious, do you see how that works?” (makes my heart sing still to this day!) She inspired me to try it with the next person I saw. So I did. I smiled at the next person and they smiled back. From then on, I always tried to do that and now it is just a part of who I am.
When I moved to Seattle as a young lady I learned with “street smarts” you should walk purposefully and not engage in people’s eyes. Then later in life I decided that I could catch people’s eyes with love in my heart to simply greet them with a smile as I am walking down the street and moving along.
So I say, go about your business and continue to be clean energy that moves through time. Pray for peace in circumstances. Pray for the person you witness is having a hard time. Pray that they will overcome. Pray that your soul reveals any sort of truth that you may be trying to harm them. And if you are, be very clear about why. Then schedule a meeting and apologize for the discord you found in your heart that has shook them up so much. And if you are overwhelmed with the feeling like I have experienced over and over throughout the years, move on. It’s time. No sense in feeling like you have done wrong to someone when you never, ever, had a toxic motive in your heart.
Have a wonderful day and as I always tell my kids, “Share your smile!”
Have you ever encountered this yourself? How did you overcome?