Response to COVID 19

Meditation in a time of pandemic. No edits. March 18, 2020

As an adult it may be best for us to just go back and read the children’s books. After all, aren’t those the books that teach the fundamentals? How soon we get caught up in the ideas of others and drown in them.

Core essence — that’s the bottom line. You were created with all you ever needed to be. Until the eyes were opened to all the possibilities did you realize then, so many became the hardship. Then the will to surrender grounded you in the splendor.

Ecstacy – it’s there. Wisdom. Loving the ability through that. The ability to make choices that resonate with me! How can I be love when I’m subjected to the opposite!? I can’t! I can! By standing in my authority! My authority is from my Author! An author is one who writes a story.

God’s story is the one I am in. He’s refining me in many ways. So thankful! Abundance. Refinement. Glory. Honor. Mercy. Love. Holy Spirit. Engaged fully. For now. This too shall pass. Until my heart aligns. So easy to escape. So easy to hold fast.

Steady – that’s what I want! Back to the place I came from. Secure. Solid. Void. Void of anything that tried to betray me. Thank you!

Perhaps I chose. Perhaps I wanted to give my hand at saving too!? What a thought. And with that, now that I’ve seen the destruction, felt it in my body and released it to the Author. His Authority reigns forever. The grasp is ever so present and glorious.

How Clean is My Energy?

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I was thinking about what happened and feeling so much turmoil when the words: clean energy captured my attention.  I even said it out loud to myself, “Clean Energy”.  It was in that very moment that I wondered, “How clean is my energy?”  There was this publication, North American CleanEnergy setting on the coffee table and it had nothing to do with how I was feeling, but the words on the publication diverted my focus to the thought, that somehow, I have disturbed someone and toxic energy could be the culprit.

I wrestled with my soul in trying to identify where I must have gone wrong in this encounter. I went over in my mind what was said and how it was said.  “What did I want to know and how did I ask that set this person off – again!?  When I realized how I asked the question, I figured the way I asked could be what struck a chord with the other person and perhaps sent them to a toxic place. With clean energy in the headlines before our eyes every day as it applies to our environments, it occurred to me today; what about personal energy environments?

With the notion that I strive to come from a place of love, I thought, “I wonder how many people don’t perceive me that way?  Do they think I am challenging them personally when I try to understand something for myself? Do my actions offend them?” Perhaps my energy is toxic! I set out to explore that for myself.  With the understanding that not everyone is going to like me.

With the notion that my energy is toxic, I would conclude that my impact on others would be pretty messy. Emotions tell all. Figuring out what to do in a situation is not always easy if you are not trained to know what to do.

On the contrary, “What is clean energy?” To me, clean energy is when someone is authentic and genuine. Their energy comes from love. They strive to experience life the way they are wired and be true to who they are.  They try to live their lives out on Earth as if they are in Heaven.

What happens when clean energy is misconstrued? I believe that when we are not received in the way that we intend to be received, discord prevails. What do you do when you feel discord? How do you overcome?

In the renewable energy space, clean energy is revealed as: sunlight, rain, tides, wind, waves, and heat. Using these words as examples, here are my antonyms:

Sunlight – Dark
Rain – Dry
Tides – Stagnate
Wind – Still
Waves – No wind
Heat – Cold

The opposite of clean energy (my definition) is a place that still has energy but if you stay there long enough, you may crave clean energy.

I like to think that I am clean energy in the way that I have defined it.  Ontologically speaking, it is the way in which I hope to conduct myself wherever I go.  I ask myself, “How is my being?” I ask that often to check in with myself so that I can get clear on where I may be off.  When I am feeling toxic, I like to get understanding around why I am feeling that way.  The results are satisfying in that I usually find out that I have not dealt with something in my heart.

When you are faced with a situation that feels uneasy. Consider what may be going on for the other person. Do they have something going on that they need help with? Do you perhaps need to consider how you may be coming across? Examine your heart.  Are you truly engaging in conversation to create conflict for the sake of it or are you being you and offending someone?  If you are coming from toxic energy then recognize that and go talk to that person.  Apologize! But if you are not coming from toxic energy then perhaps that person needs to come to you.  My tendency in these situations is to ask the person I feel conflict with what is bothering them.  In this case, with the history I have with them and the witnessing I’ve seen with many others, I don’t feel like I would be well-received.  I believe it is best to remain true to who I am and allow them to discover what it is that ails them.  It is also best for me to acknowledge that I need to remove myself from the situation.

Feeling that your energy may not be clean and is affecting others can drive someone like me absolutely nuts.  I’ve moved with caution for years always putting my best foot forward to be me.  I like to think of myself as someone always intrigued with anyone I see.  A seed that started that was from observing my dad as a young girl.  I always noticed how he greeted people in our community. He always had a smile and energy that engaged people and in hopes of brightening their day.  I can honestly say, that is my image that I go forth with.  I was also inspired by a woman at a retreat I was at just after my parent’s divorce when I was in the 6th grade.  She asked me where my smile was as she smiled at me.  I noticed I smiled back to her.  She then said with such a delightful smile at me, “Smiling is contagious, do you see how that works?”  (makes my heart sing still to this day!) She inspired me to try it with the next person I saw.  So I did.  I smiled at the next person and they smiled back.  From then on, I always tried to do that and now it is just a part of who I am.

When I moved to Seattle as a young lady I learned with “street smarts” you should walk purposefully and not engage in people’s eyes.  Then later in life I decided that I could catch people’s eyes with love in my heart to simply greet them with a smile as I am walking down the street and moving along.

So I say, go about your business and continue to be clean energy that moves through time.  Pray for peace in circumstances.  Pray for the person you witness is having a hard time.  Pray that they will overcome.  Pray that your soul reveals any sort of truth that you may be trying to harm them.  And if you are, be very clear about why.  Then schedule a meeting and apologize for the discord you found in your heart that has shook them up so much.  And if you are overwhelmed with the feeling like I have experienced over and over throughout the years, move on.  It’s time.  No sense in feeling like you have done wrong to someone when you never, ever, had a toxic motive in your heart.

Have a wonderful day and as I always tell my kids, “Share your smile!”

Have you ever encountered this yourself?  How did you overcome?

Why I Named My Blog fiveof9

Thoughts transformed

With love in her heart, a mother tells her story.

Contemplating blogging was challenging enough.  “What is blogging,” I wondered, and “How do I do it?” After reading several blogs I realized that blogging is simply someone typing out their thoughts as they ponder them. So what can be so hard about blogging once a week or daily? Time, passion, values, commitment, choice…those are a few of the reasons one would consider, prior to answering the question, “Why I named my Blog fiveof9.” The reason I named my blog fiveof9 is because I am the fifth child of nine my mother gave birth to. I liked spelling out five and using a numeral for nine.

Using this name gave me an “identity” as a blogger.  Something fun and intriguing I figured. My true identity is simply that I am a child of God. That is my identity that grounds me in all of my decisions, actions and relationships.

The fact that I was the fifth child born gives me a “rank” that many in our culture will give much attention to. The belief that children born in between siblings tend to have certain behavioral traits that first or last child don’t. Rather than identifying myself with such mayhem, my identity in Christ is much simpler in that it encompasses one word and that word is, Love.

Love is what I move forward with and in. This side of Heaven (here on earth) I reside in my flesh and strive to be of love in all my encounters. I don’t always live up to that but it is always my goal. I allow myself the pleasure of grace as Christ has done for me.

To those of you that actually take the time to read this: May the love of Christ, by your choice of accepting Him in your heart, be the everlasting state of your heart and soul to share with others.